When I was a teenager I remember taking a trip with my Mom to run some errands. As we boarded the city bus I made sure not to sit near her for fear someone I knew would see me. Now my Mother was beautiful with a great smile and big personality. However, she was the type of Mom who would strike up a conversation with perfect strangers and confide all sorts of embarrassing things to them. As a 14 year old – that was horrifying for me! So it was perfectly natural for me to select a seat on the bus as far from her as I could. As you can imagine when we got off the bus my Mom let me have it! She was so hurt that I choose to ignore her and could not understand why I wanted to distance myself from her. I could not understand why she was clueless about this – wasn’t it obvious? Needless to say our day out together was a bit strained with neither of us succeeding in explaining each other’s point of view.

Now Parents – I am sure you have experienced something like this before. Maybe your teen is walking five steps behind you in the mall or the public displays of affection are a little less frequent. You are wondering where did your little girl go??!! It is hard letting go and allowing your teen to develop their own identity and recognize their need for space. Teens don’t understand why you are pushing a bit harder or questioning them more. Trust is vitally important at this stage and it goes both ways.

So what can you do? Parents must create a safe environment for your teen to feel comfortable to talk to you. If you lose it the way my Mom did then most likely your teen will not attempt to talk to you about their feelings again. It is all about how you receive the information from them. Let them know how their actions hurt and discuss how changes could be made so you can both feel comfortable. Teens – you have to give your parents a break! One minute we are taking you to your first day of kindergarten and the next minute you are looking at college brochures. It is hard for parents to adjust to your new independence. Our workshop, “They Don’t Get It!” tackles this topic head on with role playing, skits, and common sense approaches to re-connecting with one another. 

Enjoy the journey with each other - it passes so quickly!

Until next time,

Nishaline