By now everyone has seen the reports of the physical abuse singer Rihanna has suffered at the hands of singer Chris Brown. Although he has since apologized publicly to the pop star and told his fans he is getting help, there are still awful news accounts giving viewers blow by blow details of what she experienced in that car on that ill fated night. In fact, a photo surfaced showing marks and swellings on her beautiful face. When I first heard about this – like many I was surprised. Here these two young people who seemed to be having a great time in reality were arguing so much it resulted in physical violence. This illustrates what looks good on the surface is not always good for you.

When I was a freshman in high school I was brand new to the school and I did not know anyone. I was so happy when I met another freshman -  Lisa* (not her real name).  Lisa was smart, funny, cool, and she had the street smarts I lacked since my mother pretty much raised me in a bubble! Lisa was dating a guy on the football team and one day sitting in the cafeteria she told me he hit her the night before. Afterwards, there were several conversations like this where she confided he would beat her. We were 14 or 15 years old and had no idea who to tell or what to do. It got to the point where Lisa would just laugh it off and chalk it up to one of those days. Eventually she left him and dated another guy who you guessed it….would hit her.

Research shows teen domestic violence occurs between ages 12-21. There is also evidence if it happens once, it will happen again. This happens across all ethnic and racial classes and is not about how much money you have and don’t have. Look at the case of Rihanna and Chris – it can happen to anyone.

Abuse takes on other forms – verbal abuse where dude will yell and berate you, sexually abuse where you will be forced to have sex when you do not want to, and emotional abuse where he will exploit your vulnerable side and mess with your mind. All of these types of abuses are acts of someone trying to control you. If no one has told you this before – there is nothing you have done to deserve any of this. If you are experiencing any type of abuse I urge you to confide in someone you trust to help you get out of this situation – a family member, a teacher, the police, someone who is in the position to do something. Visit http://www.safeyouth.org/  for more information on the signs you may be in a violent relationship and where to turn for help.

Well I am not 14 years old anymore so I will tell you what I wish I could have told Lisa  – it is NOT OK for any guy to put a finger on you. Period. You were created to do something wonderful! There is a purpose for your life! Our workshop “Who am I?” deals with issues of self esteem and confidence. At our next registration, join us. I would love to see you.

Until next time my little darlings,
Miss Nish